Apparently, over on this side of the world, not only is nursing normal, but it’s a group activity. Yup.
In America if you’re a nursing mom who needs to feed her kid in front of other people, or (gasp) in public, it’s awkward. Maybe the mom is comfortable with it, maybe there are other moms who understand and are supportive (I’ve been known to cheer on from afar), and maybe lots of people don’t even notice. But there always seem to be people who either notice and avert their eyes because they feel awkward about it, or people who grimace at said nursing mom even if it is done in the most modest way. It’s just such a “thing” in America!
When I was in college I went to Guatemala and up in this little village all the nursing moms had the same super modest shirt as every other woman, but there was a large opening in the middle so that they could feed their kids. No big deal. And even though I totally understood it, felt like it was a good thing, and didn’t think it was “gross” or anything, I still remember chuckling with surprise about the moms who would just “whip out the boob” in front of everyone…IN CHURCH! We all were a little shocked, and all the poor American guys with us felt soooo awkward having a woman do THAT right next to them! No hooter hider or nothin’! It’s just something we are SO not used to in America! My perspective has since changed a bit.
I do my best to cover up when I nurse in public, and even when people can’t see a darn thing, I still get looks. Or people do the old “I didn’t even notice” look and avoid you altogether. Or there’s my favorite – when you’re say, at someone’s house with people you know and maybe a few you don’t know, and you sit on the couch and do your thing with all modesty, and someone comes over and sits down (or almost sits down) and then gets up quickly once they notice you’re BREASTFEEDING! They apologize and say “whoa, sorry! I didn’t know you were feeding him!” Even when you tell them that’s ok, and they can stay, they just can’t do it. Or sometimes if a friend of yours sees an unsuspecting victim walking over to sit near you, they’ll give a friendly warning - “She’s nursing” – in sort of a joking way. You reassure everyone that everything’s gonna be ok, and they can carry on. Business as usual. No one’s gonna get hurt here.
So aside from those who scoff at you while you’re feeding your sweet little baby, or glare at you because it’s just so inappropriate, most people that I am friends and acquaintances with in America have been pretty great about it all. Even the warnings are a joke, and I myself have been known to warn people that I’m about to nurse and they just might see a boob! You know, as a way to lighten the mood and mention the elephant that’s about to enter the room.
I’ve been ranting even though when I sat down for this that was not my intention. But I should know myself better by now. I rant. And ramble. Even now. Get to the point.
Something I’m learning is that there is a huge contrast between how different cultures “participate” in breastfeeding. In America it’s acknowledged – whether with support, tolerance, the “I’m looking over there – I didn’t see anything,” staring, or glaring with disapproval. Here come two little stories of my experiences so far with two other cultures:
When I took Caleb to visit my Somali friends in Fort Worth (and Jackson when he was younger), if I needed to feed him I could do so easily with NO ACKNOWLEDGMENT. It’s kind of hard to explain for some reason. Even though I’m all for nursing in public, I still always feel like I have to gear up and give myself a little pep talk like “ok, here we go, this is the best thing for your kid, and it’s really healthy for you, and our culture needs to have a better view on it and I don’t care if someone gives me a strange look or people awkwardly look away or make a big deal of it…I’m feeding my wee little babe!!! Yes!”
So with my Somali friends I geared myself up with something more along the lines of, “I’ve seen them feed their kids with no discretion, and I know this is totally normal in their culture, but I still feel a little self-conscious because I don’t know how they’ll react…but I’m going for it.” Aaaaand…nothing. Nothing at all. No one looked, but no one avoided looking, no one warned anyone, made any comments, no one was extra careful to look me in the eye and not wander down at all (moms, you know what I mean), and when the younger kids came over and stared or made a remark or giggled that he was eating from my ____(whatever word in whatever language the kid uses) everyone just laughed at the kid being a kid. Sometimes with American parents you get an apology, and the kid is told to leave me alone or that what they said was rude. Why apologize? I don’t care if your kid sees me feeding my kid. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of, it doesn’t embarrass me, and your kid doesn’t need to go away. It’s all good. I prefer it when everyone laughs at that curious little kid who is so immature that they giggle at my boobies. It’s much better than when adults giggle at my boobies. I ramble again.
Recently when we brought our family back to Ethiopia, I had another fun and different breastfeeding experience. Who knew it could all be so fun, right? I’ve had the Awkward Americans, the Didn’t-Bat-an-Eyelash Somali, and now comes the Group Activity Ethiopians.
My Ethiopian friend Eyerus (20 year old single gal) and our guard who lives next to our house (a single, 28 year old dude) were there in the living room with me when Caleb got hungry and I sat down to feed him. They were asking me if I feed him with my “tutu” only and then were both THRILLED to know that yes, I’m a tutu only kind of gal. They then proceeded to talk about my tutufeeding in Amharic for a while, and advised me to “feed from your tutu bicha (only) for six whole months, and were even more amazed. This whole time Eyerus was kneeling right next to the arm of the chair, watching me feed Caleb. I mean watching. Like, leaning in, staring, smiling, oohing and aahing, and saying “wenay!” in a nice high pitched voice, the Amharic equivilant of “oooooh so cute!”
My friends had not only acknowledged the nursing, they were loving it and Eyerus was getting an up close viewing! You would think that would be even more awkward than my ramblings about nursing in front of Americans. Nope. In fact, I was excited and proud and enjoying the “wenay” reaction because that’s exactly how I feel when I feed my little boy! It’s one of the greatest gifts God gives us and is such a sweet, precious time (usually) for a mama and her sweet little baby! So to have others equally as excited, thinking it was such a sweet blessing? Oh yes. I’ll take that any day! In some respects it’s the most amazing thing, in other respects it just a boob. No big deal. Besides I’ve seen a ton of boobies since we’ve moved here, including my old lady neighbor who lifted her shirt and just showed me her chest as she sort of tossed one breast around while explaining to me why it hurt and how long it had been sick. No big deal. Just a boob.
Even my friends at our house church last Sunday from Switzerland, England, Australia, New Zealand took a gander. When I sat down to feed Caleb, several of the moms came by to take a gander and coo over this sweet nursing baby, most of them making comments about how much they just loved it and miss it!
This wasn’t intended to be this long. But since I do spend quite a large per cent of my days feeding my little babe, I guess it’s fitting! Maybe one day we Americans will grow up a bit and realize what breasts were made for. Maybe one day it’ll be nursing: ok. Low-cut “check out these” shirts and dresses (even at church…): not ok. We’ll see!
(By the way none if this is meant to insult anyone or anything like that, just some cultural experiences being shared, that’s all!)
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